In the grand tradition of the Houston H3 On-Sec, Hog Straddler is already slacking in his duty. The Hog Nips Hash started on the far North side of Houston near the intersection of I-45 and Holzwarth road. I arrived at 6:30 for what turned out to be a 7:30 start. An hour in which nothing of consequence happened. At around 7:30 the hares, Hog Straddler and Beer Nips assumed the position on the back of the shag wagon: "checks, back-checks, falses, and oh yes ... shiggy".

The starting location was the same as Hog's last north side run. As I recall he was out cold by 8pm that night. Anyway, the trail headed off in the same direction as his last trail, towards a bridge to the west and the first check of the day. Most of the pack headed into the woods. I stayed on the road and turned into a neighborhood. I soon realized that I was following Geek, a bad omen. A few minutes later I rejoined the pack at a check on the I-45 frontage road. True trail was found in a tunnel that crossed under the freeway, and we were soon on the east side of the freeway, sloshing through a creek. Gonad was seen heading south. All Wet Bush found true trail off of the next check, momentarily achieving FRB status until she was sucked in by a long backcheck. We ran through some non-descript suburbia for awhile to another ditch (lots of those up here). We headed west, eventually crossing the ditch where Muscle Phahrt was seen handling the buttocks of many a young lad as he helped them up the steep bank on the far side. The trail then headed into the forest for what was the best part of the trail. Like all good things, the forest eventually ended and we were left with a series of long straightaways to the On Home.

The On Home was at the end of a dead end street. The hares provided two kegs: something yellow and Shiner Bock. Is it just me, or has Shiner Bock been tasting like horse piss lately? I guess some people would maintain that it always has. We drank the beer and pondered the fate of all the hounds that were still out on trail. The hares went to sweep and eventually everyone made it in, with the exception being Gonad.

Down down narration ala Roller Balls.

The hares, of course drank their beer for a trail that was quite decent. Despite the fact that most of the trail consisted of all too long straightaways that eluded the wonderful woods on both sides. We had a few newboots, Bull Baits' hose and Elizabeth Baker. Numerous reboots and the official transfer of Santa Claus to the Houston Hash. Santa Claus however denounced the Houston Hash so he was forced to do his down downs on his knees (a position he was obviously accustomed to) and was later escorted into the woods by a couple of the boys in the hash. (You could hear his squeals for miles!)

Bush Snapper showed up to the hash injured and came to his R.A. for healing. I blessed him before the run and during down downs he was brought forward for healing. Bush was forced to his knees and annointed with Shiggy, water and finally poison ivy in his shorts to increase his luck.

The remainder of the accusations were plentiful and exciting as usual. A buzzed smile was seen on many a hasher's face. Excellent circle!

After the circle, I hid behind a tree decided to make my own "circle". I slowly worked myself while watching the beautifully sweating harriets bend over and pick up their bags. I must have shot a gallon a full 10 feet! I love the Hash.

(extra unsolictated but extremely appreciated comments by Fire Tunnel)

On On

[unrelated material follows]

Several months back, at Hog's last northside hash, Tuna Helper initiated an experiment, the results of which were never published. He had hoped to produce a whole series of beef stick reviews. Unfortunately, he has moved to Alaska. Tonights review: Lance's Spicy Giant Beef Snack. There were six reviewers on hand, each was given a bite of the beef snack and comments were solicited. Nookie Master - "Snap a bit delayed, mild spice, hardly any fiber" Wrong Way - "Marginal snap, oily" Gonad - "mildly soft, offset by a taste of pepper" Mighty Mouse - "very very greasy, spicy, but not really" Meat Pie - "I love it, I give it an 8 out of 10 overall. pop 1/10. spice 8/10. texture 7/10. oil 8/10. color 5/10" Seamen - "greasy, not chewy enough".