The time is almost upon us, coming up Sunday, Jan. 13th, and it is event of the Houston Hash season. We man Mile 24 of the Chevron Houston Marathon (Mile 11 of the Aramco half) from 7am til 1pm.
The Hash literally has the biggest presence on the entire marathon, the best location, and the best Hoopla. Every year is a different theme. This year is “Go Texans”. We serve beer to the Runners, and actually invented this practice over twenty years ago, now widely emulated at dozens of other Marathons.
Read more about the history of the Marathon Mile.
We’re looking for volunteers of all kinds. What follows is a list of everything you need to know to volunteer for the Marathon Mile, via Will He Peter.
Everyone, of course, loves to serve beer to the runners. However, help is needed in a lot of other areas too. Here’s what is still on our list: On-on for more…
Hares: Saran Crap, Tender Vittles, and Mommy’s Little Accident
The start was at Bear Creek Park on the west side of town. Trail was laid in flour and toilet paper and went south through the shiggy to the end. The end was at a dusty lot on the other side of the dam. There was no beer check. Also there are no notes of trail.
Duly erected Religious Advisor Ramrod corralled his congregation with some help from Mr. Banglestein. The hares were promptly fêted and flagellated. A duo of virgins was composed of Just Jimmy (w/ Just James) and Just Richard (w/ Slap Dat Ass). Their favorite sexual position and farm animal, respectively, was the fainting goat. There was likewise a pair of hashers from lands afar: Orangu-Spray from Yongson, Korea and returning Dane DDD. Circle was briefly interrupted by late arriving DFLs Nappy Headed Homo (who was late) and Parson’s Nose. When advised to go left, he instead went right, claiming “a British left.” Stupid metric system. Celebrations featured birthdays of Geek and Just James, the 9th hashiversary of Snatchatarrius, and 35th anniversary of marriage between Parson’s Nose and (notably) absent Juices Flowing. Usual business wrapped up with a somber but fond farewell for departed dude, Balut. On-on for more…
Hares: I F*cked Your Dad, French Drip, Toolbox
(Thanks for writing the hash trash Brrrrrrggghhh)
GREAT being back to the Houston hash! As McP mentioned, we did get stopped by a warden who mentioned it’s a Class B Misdemeanor for our trespassing. Thankfully, and according to McP, she gave him only a warning after he showed his peter to her. She stood stunned and speechless.
Two kegs….we think they were full kegs…simply vanished just before accusations. Nonetheless, thanks to Second Hand Job for handling the beer wagon.
IFYD, French Drip and Tool Box laid a most fun shiggy trail! 5 miles in length. Two virgins. And many reboots. Here is my quick recap:
1) The walkers were out on trail for a solid THREE hours. Lost, like the crew from Gilligans Island. Hooter, in a most adamant and concerned tone, stated that someone needed to look for the walkers. Il Castrato and I laughed at Hooter’s concern as Il C. stated, “Hooter — the walkers’ rights activist.”
2) Someone set up a hanging shower in the woods. All hasher dogs joined in howling unison as they extolled Closet Freak in her pure and nekkid beauty.
3) Refer to Point #2 – Closet Freak in the nude. Pimp Dawg was called into the circle for cleansing in the above said shower and expecting that Closet F. was next to him. He saw a nude back and longer, curly hair. Imagine his surprise when his shower partner turned to face him and it was Tree Hugger!! (Insert “Sodomy” song here).
4) Butt Pirate sported his new ironman tatoo on his right calf. Quite unique. He is scheduled to do IM Texas again!
5) I congratulated Dangleberry on his marathon debut! 2:58:01. Outstanding! !!!
6) The game warden imposed her authority of our trespassing by stopping the 2nd hasher, Tender Vittles. At this point, Saran is well ahead and speeding down the embankment. Tender then yells, “Saran!! Saran!! Come back!!” Game warden says, “What’s he doing down there? He could get hurt!!!”.
7) Saran called out Just John for coming up short of tip money at the Yardhouse bar a week or so ago. Saran gave Just John the money he lacked/needed. Saran proposed the naming, “Short Tip”. Great idea! However, “Tipper Whore” was claimed as his hash name. (Which BTW, he despises…) .
8) At the On On On, I’m waiting for a beer at the bar while Parson’s Nose is making new friends within a few feet. One of the regulars asked me (pointing to PN), “Is he your husband?” I laughed heartily and asked PN for his answer. He replied, “Not tonight”.
9) An official paddle was given to various hashers to spank the girl whose bday is tomorrow. Closet Freak gave a whopping blow to IFYD that I think sent her to the heavens. It was harsh.
10) Many of you missed this, but about 5 hashers were pushing French D.’s vehicle from the front as it was sorta stuck in the mud. All who were pushing gave a heave-ho. One who gave an honest and all-out effort was Urban Cocksucker. He pushed and fell face forward in the mud! Everyone else kept their balance, except him. It was a complete riot to see.
Trail was great, circle was fun and there are many more stories to share….but this harriette has to hit the hay!!
On-on to more hashing and Pooperbowl next week!!!
Brrrrrggggggggggghh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhh
(Verified Official Hash Trash by Dick Assley, 1/30/12)
Heartache = Yellow
Krusty Kreme = White
Rancid Asshole = Red
Blow Hole = Purple
Pull the Plug = Green
Hare: Dangle Berry
What can you say? He ran the marathon and then live-hared this run. I think he ought to be publicly pissed on, he ought to be publicly shot.
I love this guy but I’ve seen his dick more than I’ve seen my own.
Thanks to everyone that came out to help set up and cheer at the beer mile!
Date: Saturday January 30, 2011
Quote of the Run: “Racists!”
Powertool had a great fun run with a surprise ending at….Allen’s landing! No one saw that coming! It was something, unfortunately, which I missed due to death by marathon. Thank to Powertool for stepping up and helping with everything on this, the most tiring of days.
This Hash Trash was perfectly written by WowMomWow as a thank you for the Marathon Volunteers:
This time around you guys really stepped up to support a 2-day event, and helped in a very challenging year. In trying to recognize all the standouts, I know I will miss someone… but I must give it a try. So in somewhat of a chronological order….
Put Sunday the 30th on your calendar for the Hash Mile (mile 11/24 on Allen Parkway across from the Federal Reserve — map here). The Chevron Houston Marathon and Aramco Half Marathon are a mere week away. Every year, the hash sponsors mile 11/24 of the race route in what has become our biggest community service project of each year.
The theme is “Cowboys and Indians” so we have built a fort and several tee-pees! Runners will start showing up by 7:30 or thereabouts, and we need you there to cheer them on. And as usual, we’ll have tons of food, beer and entertainment, all very kid friendly. Please no dogs.
So if you aren’t running the race, be sure to dress up. If you are running the race, be sure to take a little break at mile 11/24 for some golden elixer. The finish line can wait.
A growing list of hashers running each race is after the jump.
8” Crack Birthday Run
Hares: 8” Crack & Pull the Plug
New Boots: 1
Knowing where our hares live, it was a little surprising for the hash to start on the northeast side of town. We knew that tons of shiggy was inevitable, that is a shiggy-licious part of town. Our “Point A” for the hash was in a familiar parking lot. Some of us remember a recent Houston hash starting there in the recent past, as well as a Kouston Hash On-on for more…