Hares: Ball Barker, unhealthy Bend-A-Ho, link Chorizo Polico and Just Fernando

The hares were Ball Barker, Bend-A-Ho, Chorizo Polico and Just Fernando for this “lengthy” northeast side run. The Summer Solstice is the longest day of the year, but thank God for the periodic cloud cover and warm breeze! The fact that it was Father’s Day and that these guys’ reputation preceded them kept the crowd down to a minimum… around 40.

We gathered at McArthur High School on Aldine Mail Route and headed to the southwest. The trail followed park trails through Keith Weiss Park and along Halls Bayou, which was, IMHO, a very pleasant run, less the sewer odor at Hopper, followed by the skunk smell of reefer. Maybe that explains our mellow mood later in the day.

As we ran along the bayou, the FRB’s hollered “false trail!” The majority of us made our way back to the last check to attempt to find true trail. Some blew right through the “false”, and we thought they must not have seen the marking. Heartache and PP searched every direction, up and down neighborhood streets, across the bayou, until finally, some of us headed back towards the “false” trail.

While the majority of the pack floundered around, looking for some sign of true trail, a handful of us headed down the paved path towards the false. Turns out the “false” was an arrow on a manhole cover. Heartache found trail and blew his whistle like a French whore over and over to make sure those close enough heard.

We continued to follow the bayou through Pinewood Park, under highway 59 into a neighborhood where we saw Ball Barker and others drive down the street. We winded through the little bit of shiggy on trail to the Beer Near. We ended at a lovely house with a big yard, goats, a horse, chickens, dogs, a nice tree swing, a trampoline, and cold beer.

Roller Balls greeted everyone with the FRB account of a live BJ being given just feet away on the bayou. Jealous? The false “false” gave the rest of us time to socialize and drink up while waiting on the rest of the pack to arrive.

Chorizo had prepared some delicious pork, made of pig not goat, along with arroz y frijoles. Yum! We indulged before the circle, where we were a bit lethargic… like after Thanksgiving feast with a healthy dose of tryptophan. The only accusation I can recall is the failed attempt at naming Just Fernando… Vote For Pedro and/or Fernando the Goat F#*ker. Rejected!

The on-on-on was at Rose’s Country Club on Homestead, a real hash dive. The hares negotiated great beer and bloody Mary specials with the owners, and to top the evening off, it was karaoke night. Whuuuttt!?! We were entertained, and I use that term loosely, by Just Jenna singing Carrie Underwood and White Snake, I Am Cumstain singing Chili Peppers and god knows what else, Carpet Burns singing Patsy Cline, and Platterpuss singing Michael Jackson. As much fun as we were having, BM2 and I left on that note.

Here’s a big thanks to the hares for the remarkable trail, scrumptious food, and the well-negotiated prices on beverages at the on-on-on! You have apparently redeemed yourself from your last haring experience. Hope your road rash heals quickly, Ball Barker, aka “DUMBA$$!”

Hiccup!!
Your drowsy on-Sec,
Really? F#*k!

P.S. ~ Just Fernando was standing on a hill overlooking his village when a stranger passed by. Fernando asks the man, “Do you see all of the roads in the village below? I built those roads, but they do not call me Fernando the road builder. Do you see all of those houses in the village? I built all of those houses, but they do not call me Fernando the house builder. Do you see the Domino’s Pizza in the village? I make all of the pizzas at Domino’s, but they do not call me Fernando the pizza maker. But you f#*k one goat…”