12-DEC-10
One Year of Hash Relationships Not Working
Hares: Twinkle Toes and Easy to Please
Hounds: 57 regular hashers
New Boots: 4 virgins
Sunday. Hash. Twinkle Toes. Easy to Please. Hares. Horses. Motor Bikes. Red Necks.
We just hate it when civilians get in the way of our hashing!
As if making it through a year of dating in the hash is not hard enough, doctor why not let the hares be challenged with having to change their trail mid-hash?!
The hares decided to start the hash at the end of a road near a school on the south side of town. When we parked, impotent Shiggy was all around. This is going to be a good one! V.E. and three harriettes showed up early to take a picture for the hash calendar that will soon be coming out. Native American dress was the theme. It was a very cold day, cough so posing without a jacket was tough. Twinkle Toes was also conned into helping out the squaws. Roadkill arrived early and decided to fly a kite with visitor Baa Baa Lost Shit, but the string broke and the two got an extra dose of shiggy by chasing down the kite.
While waiting for the pack to show up, some motorcyclists/dirt bikers arrived to the same parking area. Packing their bikes in their trucks, they warned us that they had been run off by the owners of the land. They were not allowed to ride their bikes on his ground. It did not look good for the hash. We wondered “Would we be run off too”? That seldom inhibits the hash from trying! The pack gathered and the hares announced marks on trail. We were told that a once helpful structure, a bridge, was now torn down in the last week. We might have to get our feet wet!
The pack took off, making their way through the shoulder high shiggy. Tall grass engulfed the bodies trampling through the fields. An occasional head (who said head?) would pop up above the rest, only to be drowned out by the shiggy again.
Trail continued in the deep shaggy. There were not as many thick thorns and vines as tall grass. We followed some dirt tracks that were dug deep from bikes and rain. Trail was advertised as being about four to five miles long. The walkers trail was much shorter. As the walkers approached the end of trail, McPisser and Tender Vittles were going backwards on trail? Ranging? Zenning?
The walkers got to the end before the hares. Strange, but we were told that there was a beer check on the runners’ trail, so it was assumed that the hares would be delayed a little. Many of the walkers circled the retention pond area where it was thought that the end was going to be. Horses passed by, cyclist passes, but no hares. Hooter swore he saw some marks on the other side of the lake, but upon investigating found it to just be branches.
After a long wait, Twinkle Toes showed up to let the walkers know that the end had to be moved. Apparently, there were civilians in a vehicle that told them that they could not go on the property. Poor Dick the Boy Wonder was pulling his trailer behind him. After a walk to the new end, we were able to see the bridge that the hares had talked about. Crossing ankle deep water was required except for those couple of harriettes that found an eager guy to offer a piggy-back ride. At last we were at the true end of trail.
It was a chilly day, but after a few more photos for V.E. , all were able to enjoy the two kegs of beer. One of the kegs was St Arnold’s, a special treat! Leftovers as well as hash snacks were also brought for the pack to enjoy. The hares had to really compromise to make the trail work. This was a true test of hash relationships!
Dick the Boy Wonder was Religious Advisor for the day. He called out the hares, who were celebrating their “one year of hash relationships not working”. He also called out all other couples that were there that had survived more than a year of hash relationships. A hearty toast was in order.
The hares suffered many accusations for their trail. Dick the Boy Wonder kept the circle going with a variety of songs. A couple of virgins were called out for giggling at all the songs. As accusations got scarce, EZ to Please tried to be inventive with her accusations. Someone then said that EZ to Please was using Roll Model as her Role Model. How appropriate!
As the temperatures dropped, more and more layers were added to hasher bodies. Jackets, sarongs, hats, anything to keep warm were pulled out of bags. This was opposite of how we would expect a hash circle to go. Finally with no light and cold temperatures, circle ended with traditional Swing low. Car-backs seemed forever in the freezing wind. One particular truck seemed to circle and make the track extra long.
The on-on-on was at a bar that the hares claimed to be a virgin bar for the hash. A nice crowd went to the on-on-on and enjoyed Pizza and Chess, as well as the sports on TV.
On-On to next week’s hash.
Respectfully submitted,
Old Faithful