Hares: McPisser & Tender Vittles
So there we were; it was 4pm, shop pills at Kitty Hollow Park, bronchi in 1000 degree heat, in the middle of Missouri City and what were we doing? Getting ready to run! The hares, Tender Vittles and McPisser, promised two kegs of beer, an American and European trail and “virgin” territory.
But something wasn’t right. There was only one hare! Then there it was, the sound of squealing tires and an engine being pushed to the limit. Tender Vittles came roaring through the parking lot, leapt from his car and gathered the pack for chalk talk. It was here that we learned that there would only be one EUROPEAN trail. On the 4th of July weekend! How VILE! We were out celebrating the AMERICAN Revolution with an English hare! After the initial outrage subsided, the hounds accepted the possibility of another 12 miler (plus a swim) and headed off.
At first it was nothing but grumbles about the heat and that running might have been a bad idea, but we were there and we had to make the most of it. Luckily it wasn’t long before Tender led the pack into the woods. There were very clear marks and the trail split twice but always came right back on its self. The pack heard a high pitch “EEEK! SPIDERS!” and found Heartache tangled in a large web. After that the hounds came to a check surrounded by four false trails. True Trail went through some runnable shiggy and looped around to a check in another dry creek bed. Looking one direction, the hares could see that the four falses were less than 100 yards away. Those Brits are a conniving bunch.
The trail then led though a neighborhood surrounded by moats (to keep out the riff-raff). It was here that the pack found the water crossing. What looked like it would require a swim ended up being a nice walk through the water. The pack drew the attention of some young female cheerleaders who helped to motivate the FRBs and DFLs alike. The pack then followed trail and came upon a bridge with a “BC” but no hare and no beer to be seen! After some searching we found Tender Vittles hanging out under the bride (what’s the deal with Tender and bridges?) with his collection of broken bike parts he had stolen from the neighborhood kids and empty paint cans which, I assume, he had been huffing. As the FRB’s enjoyed the beer, SaranCrap found a paint can with just enough left in it to tag the bridge with a big glittery H4. Way to advertise Saran!
After the beer check, Tender happily pointed the way to find trail. Only after almost running through a wall of poison ivy and through a field of thorns did the hounds find a check. Looking around, the pack found trail heading back towards the beer check. After a few minutes of running, there it was! The same beer check as before except without any BEER this time! An arrow pointed to true trail around a small lake with a nice hilly four-wheeler trail. As the hounds looked back they could see Tender Vittles watching with delight at the trick he played on them (That troll. No wonder he likes bridges).
It was pretty much a straight shot to the end of the trail after the beer check but Il Castrato decided to check one direction at a split even though there was no flour. Everyone else made it in alive and it was time for circle. Snatcha decided to have circle in more shiggy than was see on trail. We greeted a few visitors to the hash and 2 or 3 new boots one of which was wearing Kangaroo leather Vibrams. (He took them off to get in the water). Horsefli was accused of finding a giant “cake topper” and presenting it to SpinCycle. Il Castrato eventually made it in. Tender was accused of spaghetti on trail and not sharing. One keg of light beer was emptied leaving the hares with a keg of they happily sold.
The ONONON was at Bullpen Sports bar and the hares provided an unexpected but quite long fireworks display. It was a spectacular time.