It was September 1959 just outside of Castle Rock, Oregon where the pack met up to take part in run #1751 hared by Roller Balls and Slumbag. Myself and my friends Chris Chambers, Teddy Duchamp and Vern Tessio had just learned that Ray Brower’s body had been found. You may remember that Ray was killed by a train but no one had found his body until now. Vern had overheard his older brother saying he found it while trying to dump a stolen car.

“You guys wanna go see a dead body?” Vern asks

Oh wait, that’s fucking Stand by Me isn’t it? Damn it. The trail went through some fantastic shiggy it sure felt like a movie.

This run brought out a good collection of people in the 106 degree heat in northwest Houston. We all met at Pickle’s bar or pub or slaughter house. Whatever you want to call it Pickle is the man and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. Could be selling Budweiser, could be burning crosses. I don’t know and I don’t care. It was hot and sometimes people do crazy things in the heat. Thankfully the only crazy thing we do is run through alligator infested waters, drink beer and sing songs that make nerds blush. This run had all of that, although I’m not too sure about the alligators.

As I was still waiting for my old war wound to heal I did the walkers trail with some other fantastic hashers. I got to meet The Pits and Turtle Brains in the back of Rear Layer’s truck on the way to the beer check. Yes, we walkers were driven to the beer check where we did the trail from there. The Pits was licking Turtle Brain’s sweat off her arm like a sex crazed maniac looking for anyway to get off. I’m guessing from Turtle Brain’s nonchalance it was pretty normal behaviour.

The trail from the beer check was pretty fantastic. I hope the first half was as good as the second. Great shiggy, a couple water crossings and plenty of shady spots. On the second, last, water crossing I kept walking the trail instead of crossing the bayou to the other side. I’m glad I did as the trail ended up coming back onto the trail we were on. I think I paused to look at the bayou when Digital Input flew past me at a leisurely rate. She wasn’t crossing it either. Short story long the moral is that ‘sometimes the grass is browner on the other side’ and if you don’t want to do something it will all work out in the end. Ok, so that last part was bullshit. Nothing ever works out in the end and I’ll prove it:

Joe Strummer is dead and Kim Kardashian is insanely rich. Andy Dick is still alive but Phil Hartman isn’t?

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, Ray Brower. Poor kid. I thought we might run into Ray’s body on the second half of the trail but we didn’t. We did however come across yet another neighborhood in Houston that has horses. If you’re keeping score on the home edition that is the 1,529th neighborhood in Houston where you can find stables. Tell you what, walk outside right now grab the first cat you see and start swinging it. If you haven’t hit a horse then you’re the fucking king or queen or both. No judgement’s here.

Trail ended in a wonderfully secluded and well shaded area. The hares really did a fantastic job on the trail and ending. The aforementioned Digital Input was on hand to give out some well earned necklaces. In case you don’t know Digital Input makes necklaces for hashers if they’ve sponsored a keg for happy hour. Oh sure you could buy one online but you really should earn it first. Myself, Hole in 1, Catcher in the Brown Eye, VagueRant, and a couple other people got necklaces that day. One hard lesson we also learned that day is that the former grand masters rape the new necklace winners that very night. Thanks for not letting us know this, assholes. I will be emotionally and physically scarred the rest of my life. In hindsight I wouldn’t change a thing. Although both Hooter and Geek were unrepentant in their vigor they were equally forgiving when it was all over.

McPisser did a fantastic job for the absent Snatch who, and I’m probably not getting this right, was a tiki pleasure party with Krusty. Something about Easter island head shaped dildos and rum flavored lube. Again, I might not have heard the whole story correctly.

Circle disbanded and we were back at Pickle’s where at one time they may actually used the building as a pickling plant. What they pickled I wouldn’t know but I’m guessing cucumbers, pig’s feet, eggs, human remains. I’m not sure. Someone brought hot dogs, someone brought buns, someone brought ketchup, someone brought mustard. I didn’t really dig too deep on this but I think it may have been the same person. I don’t know how. Could’ve been a grocery bag or one of those reusable kinds. Perhaps multiple trips were made from a waiting vehicle. Maybe there were two accomplices? I don’t know and anyone near the dogs weren’t saying a thing. I don’t think we’ll ever find out.

I’m getting paid by the word, right?