Hares: Sticky Lips and Slumbag
On yet again another hot Sunday afternoon, 63 hounds met on the so called “cool” Northwest side of Houston at the Cypress Bible Church just off of Cypress North Houston Dr. near Hwy. 290. As promised by the hares, it was most certainly a Slightly Sticky Somewhat Slummie Shiggy Hash! As temperatures were over 100 degrees (heat index) we all stood in the parking lot anxiously waiting for our hares Sticky Lips and Slumbag to give the chalk talk so we could get off and running (or walking in my case) so we could get to the ending where there was guaranteed lots of shade! Oh, and did I mention LOTS of beer!?!
Finger Fuck opened up her SUV and offered up all her old Hash Shirts from her numerous years of hashing. FF had saved a “special shirt” just for Hooter Bill. It was a long sleeve t-shirt from the San Diego Full Moon (which McPisser and Cum’s Anyway were eyeballing). Several hashers lovingly joked about how Hooter now had clean, new clothes!
As directions were given, off the pack went as Anal 101 pulled up late. As he was getting his shoes on, he told us his father’s day gift was to not be a father for the day and get to go hash! What a great wife he has!! After Anal 101 takes off, the hares hold us walkers back to give the pack plenty of time to do what was said a “big circle” on trail. Don’t ya just hate those circles?
The runners trail, according to Pussy Checker, was said to take a circle, cross some water, run in some sand, cross some more water, through some shiggy, across some more water, and then to end at one of Houston’s beautiful pocket parks where we enjoyed TONS of shade and a horse farm just on the edge of the park. (Yes I know, there isn’t much detail there! If you ran it, you know it! If you missed it, too bad!)
As for the walkers trail, we took off on Cypress North Houston and took a right along the left side of the bayou ’til it came to a white fence just along another horse farm (and yes we had to stop and pet them for a little while). Off past the fence we went and onto a sandy horse trail for about another half mile and into the park where the ending was.
Now I have to admit, these hares did a FANTASTIC job with the On In! Great snacks and they had what most of us were jealous of, a cooler full of REALLY good beer for those fathers that came out for the run! Hares of the year! Do we have that award?? Anyway, several people were seen changing into the necessary dry clothes they needed thanks to a “swim” they had to do on the runners trail! We even saw a full moon thanks to Parsons Nose!
After just about all the snacks were finished off, Mamma’s Boy got the circle going. We welcomed Wrong Room Bitch to Houston as she is transferring from the jHavelina Hash in Tucson, AZ for the next couple of months!
The accusations started at lame and just got worse as the circle went on! Hooter Bill called on our newest member, Wrong Room Bitch, because she had chosen a shirt from FF’s collection and Hooter said it was “his” shirt. I really didn’t understand the full extent of the accusation, but what the hell, Hooter actually made an accusation!
Gaslight called on Cummie Bear for basically being a seriously “big” wimp. She explained to us that she and CB had come to the part of the trail where they had to go for a “swim”. She jumps in and starts to cross and CB yelled at her “can I make it across? Can I touch?” In other words, he was just a little scared of the water if you ask me! Down Down for CB!
A few short minutes later, Cummie Bear calls on Gaslight. CB is the current recipient of the Hashshit. He decided to give her the Hashshit since she was just so “mean” to him earlier. Of course CB is a MUCH larger man than Gaslight, so there was some serious readjusting of the Hashshit to make it fit Gaslight. Grind Slut, being the sweet husband that he is (I’m guessing of course) came out to the circle to help “re-size” it to fit Gaslight. As he was helping her, apparently he made the comment to her, “I wish you had helped me when I got the Hashshit a few weeks ago”. So of course, Gaslight just had to call out Grind for “whining” in the circle.
As yours truly ventured over to the keg to refill her mug during the circle, I noticed that Heartache was sitting in a chair away from the circle. Now then, I’m used to seeing H’ache active in the circle, coming up with accusations as often as he can. So being the kind, caring person I am (no comments please!) I asked him if he was okay. His reply was that “sometimes the circle just bores me”. So, being that I rarely EVER make accusations, I felt this was a good one. Especially because it was H’ache….I just had to do it! So into the circle I go and call him in with me and explain to the group our conversation. There were numerous “booooo’s” from the circle, and our dear H’ache was made to drink! And all was happy again!
After several more lame accusations, and of course the fact that we ran out of beer, the hares announced the location of the ON ON ON to be at Woody’s on Jones Rd. So off we went to enjoy and nice evening breeze on the patio at Woody’s. There was an amazing 2-man band singing that entertained us all. However, I can honestly say that most men will say the entertainment came from the young lady sent around to get “tips” for the band. I can’t remember whom exactly it was that said, “I’ll give a tip for tits!” I guess she was desperate enough, or just a good future hasher for our group, that she willingly showed her “tits for the boys”!
Another highlight of the evening was when Just Rena was handed a cat that she put over her shoulder and started to pet. I can sit here and honestly say that I think that was the damn happiest “pussy cat” in the world. I don’t know who was having more fun, the cat or the men enjoying watching Rena “stroking the pussy.” McPisser, Shuttlecock, Mamma’s Boy, and a few other men enjoyed it soooo much, that we almost had a naming right there and then. But after much debate by the men, they decided to table it and wait for another chance. Oh well Just Rena, it will happen sooner or later! Just remember our little secret girl!! He he!
So after an hour or so at Woody’s, when I swore I wasn’t even going to the ON ON ON, I decided it was time to head home and call the evening to an end! Congratulations to Sticky Lips and Slumbag for what McPisser declared, “The perfect example of how a summer trail should be laid!!”