The pack met up for chalk talk under the billowing black skies of Deer Park. The Campbell’s laid out the marks as a plastics factory burned in the distance. Just another day in the energy capital. Prior to the race it was announced that the end would indeed be at Dickrectionally Challenged’s pool. It was a hot one that day and the pack could smell the chlorine and whatever types of hash funk removal Dick put in there. Continue reading
Author Archives: TooDrunk
Too Drunk to Fuck Catcher in the Brown Eye
Hares: Too Drunk to Fuck and Catcher in the Brown Eye
Non virgin hash but a kick ass virgin ending that is soon to be taken back over by the city. It had two water crossings.
Trail of the year
Misery City Hash
Hares: McPisser and Tender Vittles
I really liked this hash. It pissed me off to no end and there was ants at the circle. Plus TV and McP laid a trail that circle jerked a couple times. Which reminds me of a time back in the 90s. My friends and I were sitting around with a bag of cookies when someone said ‘Hey, I’ve got an idea.’
Long story short I ended up in my neighbors tree watching the hockey game on a portable TV. At was at this time I thought ‘I really need to rethink taking any kind of drug a friend gives me. Also, I need new friends.’
Horse-Cycle Hash
Hares: Horse-Fli Drive-by, Spin Cycle
The thing about Horse and Spin if you’re not careful you may end up with them fucking on top of you if you’re not careful.
At last year’s InterHash I was nearly fucked on by these two ‘perfect race’ hashers and honestly I’m pretty sure I would have been ok with it in the long run. That night I wasn’t into it. It seemed like the safety committee met a lot that night, we had so many safety meetings I could have prevented the BP oil spill. I was alone, in my hammock dreaming of playing shuffleboard with Salma Hayek on the deck of my big yacht and by playing shuffleboard I mean hiding my dingus in her who-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, the fuck twins. So there I was in hammocks up to here when I hear some shuffling of a drunken couple ‘It’s just over here. Ok, be quiet.’ The cocoon of my hammock flung open to looks of surprise from HFDB & Spin. I could hear HFDB’s nut slink into his stomach as he walked away dejected. The next day I swear I saw HFDB carrying a bed post around with the amount of places these two fucked. Put it this way, if you weren’t almost fucked on then you were doing it wrong.
Anyhoo, this trail probably had sex remnants on it from scouting, live haring and post run coitus. I’m saying they fuck a lot.
Dangleberry’s Live Lay
Hares: Dangle Berry, Cream on My Back, 8″ Crack
I remember one night Madlib was in town promoting absolutely nothing with J Rocc in tow. CREAM, 3 in the Stink and me were there, trainspotting from the front of the stage. J Rocc played an insane set filled to the tits with J Dilla tracks. Rare and unreleased stuff, the kind of music that makes heads melt, if you’re into that sort of thing. We were. Anyway, long story short Madlib took the stage and was handed an ‘Art teacher’ cigarette from his manager. A couple puffs and it was passed onto J Rocc and then back to the manager. At this point I hear an ear bursting ‘Hey, mother fucker, over here. Give me that shit.’ An elated and extremely perturbed 3 in the Stink was chastising the manager for not passing us the laugh dart. Us, who paid cold hard cash to be at the show. ‘They owe us!’ The manager was eager to please the fans and please he did.
It was a great night. It wasn’t this night but CREAM was there and I love that guy.