Hares:  Brrrggghhh and Penis Envy

TRAIL

‘Neath an azure sky in deepest summer, Penis Envy had the inimitable pleasure of performing his first lay with that known r@cist, Brrrggghhh. They selected the hottest Sunday of the month to lay a supposedly shiggified trail. Hounds, virgins, visitors, and others who should have known better amassed at Woodland Park for a luau-themed trail. Hashers arrived arrayed in their finest store-bought leis, polyethylene grass skirts, and professionally-fitted coconut bras, knowing there were prizes to be won. Whale’s Vagina showed up sporting new boots, and a sign brazenly admitting so, to boot! After distributing well-advised pre-trail waters, the hares held a rousing chalk talk and then loosed the pack to the pavement.  After dispersing from the initial check, true trail was found on a bridge crossing over the Gulf Freeway and then into some very nice shiggy. It was tall grass which obscured the walking surface, but had no pointy or scratchy bits. Also, there were no velociraptors! After a stinky creek walk and some steep slope scrambling, flour led along a fence, taking the pack around an apartment complex. Leaving the shiggy behind, unfortunately for good, trail led through Moody Park, where there was no shade, but did provide a much-appreciated water check. Continue reading →

What was trail like? That’s a clown question, bro. Let’s ask Heartache. “It was characterized by impeccable monotony and lost opportunity.” One can only presume that would describe making whoopee with him as well. Platterpuss wanted the hash to celebrate his new job at NASA (Nevada Artisanal Spam Administration). And he did the right thing by inviting some virgin hares to learn the ways of the forest from him, namely 5 Dick Smaxx (or 5 Dicks Max, or 5 Beans in the Wheel, or who knows anymore?) and Jizzabel. The hares gathered the pack at a park adjacent to an elementary school for the start. In remarkably temperate weather, scores of hounds showed up for beer and trail. After explaining how best to observe boob checks and camera checks at chalk talk, the pack was released to the storied wilds of…um…a residential neighborhood. Continue reading →

Hares: Dickrectionally Challenged, medicine Horsefli Drive-bi, seek Spin Cycle

For those living a life of leisure, here’s what happened at the hash on Sunday.

TRAIL

The only thing missing from this trail was F.R.E.A.K. On A Leash, the only Campbell who doesn’t live in that shining jewel of a city, the Houston metropolitan area.  Her family members nonetheless provided a cool trail for a hot day.  It was so hot, in fact, that noted He-man Insane Clown Pussy sat in the car just until trail started, trying to soak up as much benefacting AC as he might.  Hounds and harriettes convened under what meager shade was provided in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Lake Charles La Porte.  The hares advised the donning of shiggy socks before holding a chalk talk with some sexy new marks, Girls On Trampolines, and Skinny Dip checks.  Hastening to make the On In before all their carefully applied sunscreen was sweated off, the pack ran off into the wilds of Nacogdoches La Porte. Continue reading →