Category Archives: Hash News

Hash news from H4 and beyond.

Hash #1806 – Remember Camp Logan

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Hares:  Snatchitarriass, French Drip, Dumpster Diver

For those living a life of leisure, here’s what happened at the hash on Sunday.

TRAIL

Virgin territory can be hard to come by when you’re running roughshod over an large metropolis multiple times a month for more than 20 years. So any hare could be forgiven if hounds felt a sense of deja vu on any trail. Nostalgia is an endearing notion, a chronologically uniting emotion when deftly engendered. But too much of a good thing can lead to a hasherly ennui. Case in point: this week’s trail. Starting from the easily-accessible Happy Meal Park, flour flowed rapaciously into the Ho Chi Minh trails of Memorial Park. That would be same trails run by the r@cists every thursday during the gentle Texas summer. Cue a guileless I’m A Big Girl Now “Is this the Ho?” Pretty much, but wait, there’s more! Continue reading →

Hash 1803 – Urban Shiggy Envy

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H4 #1803 – Blue Trails = Shigmata, Heartache, Reverse Cowboy

Hares:  Urban Cocksucker and Penis Envy

There was fear and loathing in the Houston Hash last week, amigos. Sunday was rapidly approaching, and no hare had yet to foolishly accepted the duty. Fortunately at Tuesday’s (awesome) full-ish moon trail, Urban Cock Sucker stumbled forward and volunteered, having been steeped in malty hops and hashly bon vivance during circle.  For help, he conscripted the aid of Penis Envy, who knew how easy haring with a hot co-hare was after his virgin lay only days prior. Together, they scouted a virgin shiggy trail and even convinced H4MM to take care of the beer. Brilliant plan, that.

Unfortunately, all did not go according to plan. A suntastic Sunday morning gave way to an aggressively rainy afternoon, and the hares had to re-lay flour that had been washed away. The sky water did not deter some three score of hounds and harriettes from making their way to Madison High School, which was apparently attended by some guy named Vince Young. Chalk talk was held under the sturm und drang of a westbound thunderhead, and the pack was off into the shiggy directly. Things started of slowly, as the pack crept forward, searching for scarce remnants of flour. This was all to the chagrin of Heartache, who was in a big hucking furry to…complain. Shiggy was thick with thorns and PI, all drenched in steady drizzle. At last hounds found their way to an abandoned stretch of Buffalo Speedway, before looping through more shiggy on the other side. Continue reading →

Hash 1802 – Penis Envy’s First Lay

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Hares:  Brrrggghhh and Penis Envy

TRAIL

‘Neath an azure sky in deepest summer, Penis Envy had the inimitable pleasure of performing his first lay with that known r@cist, Brrrggghhh. They selected the hottest Sunday of the month to lay a supposedly shiggified trail. Hounds, virgins, visitors, and others who should have known better amassed at Woodland Park for a luau-themed trail. Hashers arrived arrayed in their finest store-bought leis, polyethylene grass skirts, and professionally-fitted coconut bras, knowing there were prizes to be won. Whale’s Vagina showed up sporting new boots, and a sign brazenly admitting so, to boot! After distributing well-advised pre-trail waters, the hares held a rousing chalk talk and then loosed the pack to the pavement.  After dispersing from the initial check, true trail was found on a bridge crossing over the Gulf Freeway and then into some very nice shiggy. It was tall grass which obscured the walking surface, but had no pointy or scratchy bits. Also, there were no velociraptors! After a stinky creek walk and some steep slope scrambling, flour led along a fence, taking the pack around an apartment complex. Leaving the shiggy behind, unfortunately for good, trail led through Moody Park, where there was no shade, but did provide a much-appreciated water check. Continue reading →

#1800 – Fiestavus 5!

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Hares:  Pussy Checker, Master Chucker, Menage Myself, Snatchatarrius, Smooth Stroker, Nibble My Tits

At the request of the H4 grammar Nazis, this entire trash has been written in Comic Sans. According to Amnesty International, this is a low grade form of deliberate ocular agony and typographical terrorism. What did you expect, they’re NAZIS!

Yea, after weeks of listserv haranguing and facebook invite management, Fiestavus 5 was finally upon us. A stormy morning gave way to a classically hot and humid afternoon, in the storied wilds of Spring, Texas. A large pack, including nearly two dozen virgins, and a lovely ASSortment of roller derby girls convened in the parking lot of Club Tranz (Open all nite! VIP entrance! Wanna buy some meth?) next to Cypress Creek. At last the hares arrived, arrayed in cartoonishly Mexican raiments, promising a shiggified, shaded, muddy, sexy, profitable, air-conditioned trail. Keep in mind that the hares are known to lie. Chalk talk was held after the arrival of SPF 50 and duly elected Religious Advisor Ramrod, who were seen pushing their truck over a bridge and into a nearby alley. Evidently it gave up the ghost, by the will of a most benevolent G, only a quarter of a mile from the start. Although the exact mechanical malfunction could not be readily determined, it has been speculated that a daring and dangerous attempt at road head lead to a blown gasket. And with that, the pack was off. Continue reading →

Run #1798 – Platter’s Got a Brand New Job

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What was trail like? That’s a clown question, bro. Let’s ask Heartache. “It was characterized by impeccable monotony and lost opportunity.” One can only presume that would describe making whoopee with him as well. Platterpuss wanted the hash to celebrate his new job at NASA (Nevada Artisanal Spam Administration). And he did the right thing by inviting some virgin hares to learn the ways of the forest from him, namely 5 Dick Smaxx (or 5 Dicks Max, or 5 Beans in the Wheel, or who knows anymore?) and Jizzabel. The hares gathered the pack at a park adjacent to an elementary school for the start. In remarkably temperate weather, scores of hounds showed up for beer and trail. After explaining how best to observe boob checks and camera checks at chalk talk, the pack was released to the storied wilds of…um…a residential neighborhood. Continue reading →

Run #1797 – Campbell Scramble

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Hares: Dickrectionally Challenged, medicine Horsefli Drive-bi, seek Spin Cycle

For those living a life of leisure, here’s what happened at the hash on Sunday.

TRAIL

The only thing missing from this trail was F.R.E.A.K. On A Leash, the only Campbell who doesn’t live in that shining jewel of a city, the Houston metropolitan area.  Her family members nonetheless provided a cool trail for a hot day.  It was so hot, in fact, that noted He-man Insane Clown Pussy sat in the car just until trail started, trying to soak up as much benefacting AC as he might.  Hounds and harriettes convened under what meager shade was provided in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Lake Charles La Porte.  The hares advised the donning of shiggy socks before holding a chalk talk with some sexy new marks, Girls On Trampolines, and Skinny Dip checks.  Hastening to make the On In before all their carefully applied sunscreen was sweated off, the pack ran off into the wilds of Nacogdoches La Porte. Continue reading →

H4 HASH BARS

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