Hares: Platterpus, Black Bush, and Pipes

This week’s hash run only took place thanks to 2 Virgins and an Aussie (we still haven’t heard the punch line yet Semper Bi!) Virgin hares Platterpus and Black Bush stepped up to our desperate need for hares under the close supervision of Pipes! It proved to be one VERY humorous afternoon!

Trail began at Hermann Brown Park on the Southeast side of Houston off of I-10. As this was the location of your scribe’s very first shiggy run with the Houston Hash, I wasn’t the least bit upset that I wasn’t able to do true trail this week. I was happy with doing the walker’s trail knowing just how bad this area was for Banana Spiders. And after the circle, I learned that my memory wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it was!

Thanks to Hooter Bill, I can tell you that true trail had “lots of quicksand and shiggy and woods, and some open trail under the power lines going north instead of the usual south.” In other words, it had lots of woods, some water, power lines, and oh…spiders!

Looking at Hooter’s map, after the pack left HB Park, they headed into the woods coming out shortly into an opening where they ran into us walkers (who by the way got VERY lost on what was only to be a ½ mile trek into…oh I don’t know….almost 2 miles?). After pointing them in the direction that the FRBs headed, we left the pipe easement in the direction that we came from and heard the pack headed slightly northeast of us back into the woods.

While the walkers headed back to the road construction, again lost (love you Lorna Dunes!), we sited the pack headed across the road from our right to the left. They headed back into the woods (go figure on a shiggy run) and most found the BN mark. (Most, being explained later in my short story.)

After finally arriving at the end, desperately needing a beer and bug spray, I started to cool off and have some fun. It has to be said, because we can say it so little (so much in fact, that most hashers have no idea who she may be) that Brady’s Bitch showed up at the circle…and on a night that the Colts are playing! After she and I were called into the circle for one year of hashing, McPisser got the rare chance to sing the “Brady’s Bitch” song for us! We’ll see you again in 3-4 months girl!

Hares were called into the circle on numerous occasions tonight. When the RA has to say no more accusations for the hares because one of them…Platterpus….was getting so wasted, you know it was a damn good trail!

When the hares were called into the circle for the first time, the obligatory bag of flour was dumped upon the virgin’s heads. Now normally, we all laugh and that’s that. But this time, Pipes deemed Platterpus as “The Last of the White Mohicans”. Or as I called him, the cone head. See VE’s pictures to understand this!

This circle was rather crazy today. Of course we did have a naming this week. Just Brian was named ID-10T. He was named by McPisser, who told the following story, “He runs through the woods knocking shit down and only moving out of the way
for trees. At one point he stubbed the steel toe boot of his combat boots that he wears (seriously) on a tree trunk, does a forward roll full speed, comes out of it on the run and keeps going like nothing happened. I thought it looked like something out of “The Terminator.” So I thought, “What model Terminator would he be?” Schwartzenegger was like a 2000 series, the guy in part 2 was like a 5000 series, so what model number would this guy be? Oh, I know! Model ID10T (pronounced “eye dee ten tea”, but written it looks like “idiot”). So that’s what we named him: ID-10T”. Such a great story!

While all this was going on, about 30 minutes into the circle, we were shocked to finally see Old Faithful and Spot on the Mat FINALLY come out of the woods and finishing the run as DFLs! And it has to be said; we sadly did forget that they were still out on trail!!

Now, as I mentioned earlier, the BN sign was only seen by most. Pipes calls Platterpus into the circle and begins to tell us how they had forgotten to put the mark out earlier when they laid trail. So he gave Platterpus a bag of flour to lay the mark. 30 minutes later he comes out and Pipes wonders where the hell he has been. So he explained where it was and sadly, it wasn’t on trail! So Pipes takes the bag out a few yards to lay ANOTHER BN mark, which also sadly, was not on trail!! While some hashers admit that they did see it, both were deemed idiots and made to drink!!

Parson’s Nose called on our other Virgin Hare, Black Bush, and started to make some accusation that of course none of us could understand! All I remember was that he handed her a casing of Black Bush, which had a bottle of the fine liquor inside it. Now as PN goes on and on about whatever it was he was saying, our very intelligent hare realizes the casing was much too light to have a full bottle of alcohol in it. So she proceeds to open the case and pulls out an EMPTY bottle of Black Bush! WTF?? And here we all thought that PN was being a great hasher and giving her a bottle of liquor for which she was named! DRINK you wanker!! At least we know Black Bush is a smart cookie!!

And so the circle continued with numerous accusations that made for one of the best circles in a while with such a small group of hashers! The ON ON ON was announced to be at Palmer’s Ice House. However, Brady’s Bitch later texted me to let me know that the damn bar was closed for renovation! So where they ended up, I have no idea! I took my tired and very sore tooshie home (having ridden the Tour de Pink 81-miler earlier that morning) and slept! Missing out on what I’m sure was a most excellent time with our 2 Virgin Hares and an Aussie! Most excellent job guys!!