Hares: CSI and Picunte

This trail had a lot of things; Shiggy, urban shiggy, great views of downtown and a virgin ending. The one thing it lacked was flour. You may remember flour as that powdered substance we use to mark trails. There was so little of it on trail that whenever I saw some I knew instantly how twins feel when they finally see their sibling after years of being apart. The connection is that intense.

Lack of trail aside it was nice to end at CSI’s swamp on the edge of 45. The hash was treated to the first week of a two week piss mist from ATV. She decided to christen CSI’s neighbors yard with her nectar.

Oh fuck, I nearly threw up writing that.

Hare: Dangle Berry

What can you say? He ran the marathon and then live-hared this run. I think he ought to be publicly pissed on, he ought to be publicly shot.

Bang Bang.

I love this guy but I’ve seen his dick more than I’ve seen my own.

Hares: The Ree-Ro Crew. I don’t know all of their names. Look it up if you’re that curious, asshole.

This was somewhere south and the weather was really nice. I walked most of it with my On-Sec counterpart Dick ‘the clown from midtown’ Assley (I don’t know if he lives there) There was a golf course and sewage. DA kept trying to grab my peenie but I wasn’t having it. Seriously, if you’re ever on a trail with Dick ‘Ball Fro’ Assley wear a cup. Ol’ grab hands can’t get him enough testes. I hope that’s all changed. I wouldn’t know, I can’t look him in the eyes to this day.

Enough about Dick “Bleached Anus’ Assley, this run was fun and I couldn’t understand a word the hares said.

Also, interesting fact; the White House got it’s name because some Brits and Canadians burned down your presidential mansion in 1814.

Hare: PP

I wasn’t at this run but I’m sure PP’s trail was pretty kick ass.

I’ve been on this mortal coil a couple years and I’ve had some great NYEs and some truly horrible NYDs. Most NYDs growing up were spent with the family eating lentil soup, ham and Yorkshire pudding. Then, I found alcohol. Lentil soup stopped being the focus of NYD and movies like Dumb and Dumber took the place of Yorkshire pudding. Ham switched to bacon and youthful exuberance for the future turned to frequent trips to the porcelain bus crying out for a quick death.

One of the worst NYDs was when Hole in 1 and I had been married a total of 6 months. The night prior I had deemed it my responsibility to play the best fucking Jenga game you could imagine all while emulating Dean Martin in his heyday. Eventually Jenga mocked my bloated, alcohol soaked corpse as I lay in a centrifugal force known as the bathroom floor.

FUCK YOU PHYSICS!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t even know if what I just typed made any sense. I’m not a fucking scientist.

The next day Hole in 1 made me attend her high school fucking reunion at none other than DAVE AND GO SUCK A FAT DICK, BUSTER(S) If you’re keeping score at home I am 9 years older than my smoking hot wife, as Mama’s Boy is want to say, so my game is already hindered by a 9 year handicap. Add to the fact that I hate each and everyone of them just for doing this you could say my first impression was that of a surly old man screaming for the damn kids to get off my lawn.

In hindsight I would trade that one day for 30 of PP’s trails.

Last years Feastivus, unofficial trail of the year 2010, was the unofficial trail of the year for 2010. This hasher is a little biased: it was my first H4 run and managed to earn a name that day singing a certain punk song on a stage with chicken wire. Continue reading →