Category Archives: Hash Trash

Weekly reports from the trails we’ve run. For hash trashes before 2008, click here.

#1759 – World Peace Through Beer Hash

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Hares:  Hole In One, Too Drunk to F*ck and Tender Vittles (again)

What was supposed to be a World PEACE through Beer quickly became a World War on Beer.  To start off, the Allied Powers were represented by an American, a Canadian and a Brit.  After leaving the start at Hermann Park and running around trying to avoid mosquitoes, the pack found themselves at the Holocaust Museum where Tender Vittles was waiting with a German beer.  The pack quickly disposed of those filthy Germans and were on their way.  After running through some of the Museum district and past the lake of Hermann Park the pack stumbled upon poor Hair-ea 69 sitting in a bog waiting for a train and a cooler full of Sapporo beer.  Those dang Japanese, attacking Hair-ea 69 with their big ass beers and kamikaze mosquitoes.

After subduing the Japanese with an atomic beer shotgunning, the pack was on it’s way.  After leaving Hermann park, we ended up next to the hospital disctrict, where the third beer check had come and gone in a matter of minutes.  Most of the pack didn’t get any beer but I assume it was Italian and the hashers hung it out to dry quite easily.  At the end of the hash, Ramrod used an entire can of mosquito repellent and fogged the entire area, a squirrel was released upon the pack and the lovely Sarah was officially named “Flatline”.

Thus the world was a more peaceful and happy place.

On-On.

3 beer checks spread out too far, 1 by holocaust museum with german beer, 2nd in a swamp. 3rd – no beer for most of the pack.

false on top of the hill.

mosquitoes, mosquitoes, mosquitoes. (ramrod fogging the place with repellent.

naming of sarah, flatline

6 miles

 

Ass Swipe and Susanna

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Hares: Asswipe and Susanna (Soon to become Death Cab for Bootie)

This run could be broken into two camps; Finished without incident or fucked by a train. I doubt anyone was in the former. I know I was fucked by so many trains that day I felt I needed to donate to the conductor retirement fund. Daddy?

The trail ended in what could best described as junkie death cult head quarters. Is that a syringe? Do I see feces? Hey, look over there, it’s placenta! I can’t imagine what heinous things have took place on that unholy parcel of land but I’m guessing an intervention wasn’t one of them.

All told, I hated both of you more and more with every step I took on the run but now that’s water under the disease infested bridge. Although I was so happy that PI was the only thing I caught that run!

Hash #1757 – Just Tiffany’s Dangling Virginity Hash

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Hares:  Dangleberries and Just Tiffany

Here’s a good one… What’s wet and cold and falls from the sky?

RAIN!!!  I know some of you don’t remember what that is but it’s AWESOME!  And it’s something H4 hasn’t been able to run in in a looooong time.  I love running in the rain!  It makes the mud, sweat and beers so much better.  What’s even cooler though is Continue reading →

H4 Run #1752 — McP + Tender Vittles

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H4 1752 9.04 McP & TV Reservoir

Hares: McPisser and Tender Vittles

I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn’t even know it yet. Weeks away and hundreds of miles up a river that snaked through the war like a main circuit cable plugged straight into Kurtz. It was no accident that I got to be the caretaker of Colonel Walter E. Kurtz’s memory any more than being back in Saigon was an accident. There is no way to tell his story without telling my own. And if his story really is a confession, then so is mine.

 

Ok, so Vietnam is worlds from George Bush park but that didn’t stop our hares from treating us like Marines that day.

Hash #1751 Roller Balls and Slumbag Hash

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Hares: Roller Balls and Slumbag
It was September 1959 just outside of Castle Rock, Oregon where the pack met up to take part in run #1751 hared by Roller Balls and Slumbag. Myself and my friends Chris Chambers, Teddy Duchamp and Vern Tessio had just learned that Ray Brower’s body had been found. You may remember that Ray was killed by a train but no one had found his body until now. Vern had overheard his older brother saying he found it while trying to dump a stolen car. Continue reading →